[15 Nov 2009|11:50pm] i_rowboat [ music | the brilliant corners ] LE pENsEe

[15 Nov 2009|08:01pm] _a_fallen_star_ It's been a while since I've actually sat down and took the time to write something worth writing. A lot has changed, and a lot seems to have stayed the same. I'm in my last year of college before grad school. I'm still majoring in Art Education, but instead of getting my credentials, I'm going to make my way out to Boston for grad school. Lesley University has combined with the Art Institute of Boston for those wanting to become art therapists. I never realized how perfect this was for me until I finally admitted to myself that I don't want to be a teacher. I've been fighting that realization for a good two years now, and I've finally given up with it. It doesn't make me happy. Helping people does, children do, art does, but not teaching. Hence, art therapy. Life has been throwing the same lesson at me, and I've finally realized that. I just went backwards three years and read my old entries only to find that my love life really hasn't changed. It's the same situation, just different people. I tend to go for people who are emotionally unavailable, and I'm trying to figure out why. Maybe the challenge attracts me? I'm not sure. I don't want to sit and psychoanalyze myself even though it'd probably benefit me. All I know is that Evan will be the last one for a while. That entire situation messed with my head so much, and I've been dealing with the consequences. I'm proud of myself, though. I did something I never do, and that's give up on someone I care about. The time came for me to put myself first, and that's what I did in spite of how hard and hurtful it was to do. I miss him a lot, but it wasn't where I needed to be. It's not where I need to be now. He has a lot of growing up to do. I told him I'd be back once I got over this, but I'm not sure about that anymore. Something's got to give, and I think we all know now that once a person reaches a certain age, they are who they are, and it takes something mighty powerful to make them change. Miss him as I do, I think it might be a little late for him. As of now, my oldest brother is moving to Round Rock, Texas. Kristin will be moving with Adam next December. I'm going to the east coast for school, and my parents are going somewhere that's not here, while my other brother stays here in Los Angeles. I feel like my family is breaking up. We've been a stable, tight-knit group for so long; I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. I think I'll be okay with it, but I have to admit it's a strange new thing for me and my family. Either way, nostalgia hit me pretty hard while reading my old entries. I laughed at a lot of it, hated most of it, and missed all of it. I hope all is well with all of you who still check your Live Journals. LE pENsEe

[13 Nov 2009|02:16am] i_rowboat Saddle Creek and Team Love How did I get here again? LE pENsEe

[12 Nov 2009|01:10am] yesmarisa Mmmmmmmmmmmmm :] Because you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day Today was indeed NOT a bad day, i just loooove this song. Daniel Powter "Bad Day" : brings back the sad days of high school when I'd feel bummed out. AHHHHHHHH LE pENsEe

MRS degree [11 Nov 2009|06:46pm] letsg0flyakite Two girls about my age, one married, one engaged. Discussing the engaged one's wedding. "you mature in a second..." ~ "Wow, that's great" "you'll want to hang out with friends again after about 3 months of being married...sleep overs become coffee dates." ~ "i hate sleepovers anyways." "Yeah, i just really like my bed." but the one that takes the cake: "I just want all my friends to get married so I'm not ALONE anymore!" This is what happens when the roomate with the internet router moves out, and the closest free wi-fi is a tea house. LE pENsEe

[11 Nov 2009|01:11am] smoothlikepants Futility - n. having no effect on an outcome; the property of being useless or utterly ineffectual in the face of inevitable results or circumstance. 2 cOEURs| LE pENsEe

[09 Nov 2009|02:38pm] torontoandback 1 cOEUR| LE pENsEe

[06 Nov 2009|10:50pm] smartpatrol89 [ music | Kraftwerk - Electric Cafe | Powered by Last.fm ] i want to go to cca. i want to move to berkeley/oakland. im fucking ready. zine/blog update as well. eyetriangle.blogspot.com deadline is nov. 12th! 1 cOEUR| LE pENsEe

My day, if youre interested enough [06 Nov 2009|04:36am] yesmarisa So today was a pretty good day. Thought I started work at 9:30 when it really started at 12:30 but just stayed till 2 Michael surprised me at work wearing a suit-ish. Hot. flowers. We got boba, bought marc jacobs pants, window shopped, and finally went upstairs to nordstroms bistro cafe (ridiculously nice) and had calamari and creme brulee Sat in borders and fought over the phone with Sean for 45 minutes Shopped at Urban for probably an hour and a half Came out with a graphic design book, a onesie shorts/tank, shoes, necklace, and hot patterned tights Dinner at a korean restaurant with michael (awesomeness) Drove to Sausalito and came back at 3am. wooooooooooooooo Today's ben's birthday! He's turning 17! finally!! I am so ridiculously tempted to skip my web design class tomorrow afternoon and just be a bum. So I'm hoping to god that I get sososoSOSOSOsoso inspired by this graphic design book that i bought today. PRAY! I think michael and i are going to go to a psychic PRE-TTTTY soon p.s. I'll give whoever $30 to tell me what's going to happen in my life. i just want to know. LE pENsEe

why can't I live like LMFAO [04 Nov 2009|06:49pm] yesmarisa How do I get my get my life organized? LE pENsEe

help [03 Nov 2009|12:38pm] yesmarisa I feel like I'm dead. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I should've broken things off with Michael. I don't know if it's a good idea if i go back to Sean. I have no fucking idea. I'm so confused. I've been so so so fucking confused for the past 2 weeks. I've just been listening to sad music and crying a shit ton. I can't stop crying. You go into relationships not thinking of course how it's going to end, or if you're really prepared for EVERYTHING that goes into a relationship. Everything including the pain and hurt you're going to go through at the end. Fuck. Why are relationships so hard. Why can't it be that when you like someone, then you like them and they like you. And then when you don't like them anymore, you just move on to the other person you like. And have that be that. No heartbreaks, no attachments, no emotions getting played around with. And why does everything have to revolve around relationships anyways. WHY IS IT SUCH A BIG DEAL IN MY LIFE???????????????????? because I'm scared to be alone. sad sad me. LE pENsEe

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